“To breathe and not combust or disintegrate internally every hour on the hour constantly is plenty.” This kind of thought is never far from me, and I both love and hate my relationship with it. Love, because I know too well what it is like to not have this. Love, because I can always find peace and gratitude in what a miracle it is simply to breathe. Hate, because it feels like such a cheat, as if the closest we get to come to happiness is the thought that things could always be worse.
It is like an anchor that keeps me from washing away, but one that is covered in barnacles and rusty edges that cut as you cling to it.
Honestly? I don’t see breathing as a miracle. Circumstances considered? I do see it as an accomplishment. The “it could be worse” framing doesn’t work for me. I find it dismissive & further painful. So my intent with that line is to express a compassionate acceptance of myself, that I am absolutely doing my best. No additional pressures needed.
(Sidenote: Your metaphor was really beautiful, vivid. Felt it as I read it.)
I would love to be rid of "it could be worse" because it is indeed painful and dismissive. But i haven't figured out how to shake that one yet.
"Miracle" is another one i haven't been able to shake, because no one expected me to pull through after two cardiac arrests and i still don't really know what to do with that either.
Acceptance, "doing my best," i think that part i am getting better at.
I hope it is clear that i really appreciate your words, and i love your additional framing of this line.
Oh yes! That’s clear. I’m enjoying hearing your thoughts from it. That’s a specific tension to hold. This makes a lot of sense. I see/hear both the miracle & suffering. Also I’m sure someone else reading can relate. I’m sitting with that...
“To breathe and not combust or disintegrate internally every hour on the hour constantly is plenty.” This kind of thought is never far from me, and I both love and hate my relationship with it. Love, because I know too well what it is like to not have this. Love, because I can always find peace and gratitude in what a miracle it is simply to breathe. Hate, because it feels like such a cheat, as if the closest we get to come to happiness is the thought that things could always be worse.
It is like an anchor that keeps me from washing away, but one that is covered in barnacles and rusty edges that cut as you cling to it.
Honestly? I don’t see breathing as a miracle. Circumstances considered? I do see it as an accomplishment. The “it could be worse” framing doesn’t work for me. I find it dismissive & further painful. So my intent with that line is to express a compassionate acceptance of myself, that I am absolutely doing my best. No additional pressures needed.
(Sidenote: Your metaphor was really beautiful, vivid. Felt it as I read it.)
I would love to be rid of "it could be worse" because it is indeed painful and dismissive. But i haven't figured out how to shake that one yet.
"Miracle" is another one i haven't been able to shake, because no one expected me to pull through after two cardiac arrests and i still don't really know what to do with that either.
Acceptance, "doing my best," i think that part i am getting better at.
I hope it is clear that i really appreciate your words, and i love your additional framing of this line.
Oh yes! That’s clear. I’m enjoying hearing your thoughts from it. That’s a specific tension to hold. This makes a lot of sense. I see/hear both the miracle & suffering. Also I’m sure someone else reading can relate. I’m sitting with that...