When They Try You: An Intro

There’s a look a man gets in his eye when he’s ready to violate you, to cross a line. Different personalities, and various forms of violations shape the face. Perhaps lips parted for a lazy tongue to perch, a bookmark for the wild rummaging of his imagination. That. That thought right there, he’s decided, is brilliant and his arrogance can’t help but savor the outcome prematurely. He’s learned the calculations: to what extent, which cruelties, he can exact, on what type of body. The “yes’s” and “no’s” of that flow chart crack open a reservoir of reassurances self-preservation demands. All clear. Retribution risk? Low.

Whether jaw clenched in churning of tactical findings, lips pursed in coercive shh-ing, brows knotted to stomach the blow of your acrid defiance, forehead wrinkled in the warning of a stretched slingshot, cheeks chewed with self-loathing, or otherwise, the piercing look of choice made, is one. It has a pulse that reaches you before the man, but regrettably is not a grace period. It is the first tooth of a beartrap, a snake’s paralytic poison preceding its bite. Stay. Trust. Excuse. Believe. Vulnerability is what his offerings thus far have begged for, and now that you’ve surgically removed your shell, belly exposed to the sun, his facade of reverence falls and violence takes its place.

Emotional, verbal, physical, mental - violence. There are no exceptions here, no not-that-bad’s here, no “but I didn’t hit her” or “just one time” tokens validation here. Violence inflicts as one body, whether by fist or foot the resulting asphyxiated desire, of its target, to exist on Earth cares not. The cove of witnesses grounded enough in their own humanity to be unwilling to disregard hers, mine, ours, care not. A created bleeds and a man, or his chastened proxy, clamors to argue weapon efficacy? Can not a pencil be a weapon if held by pointed intent? It is obvious, but guilt is a desperate beast. It itches for repose, begs for more than its belly can carry. It will find no reprieve for its sordid seeking here. Not on this page. Not with these witnesses.

The center of this cove is the mirror. The one bearing the reverberations of his choice…

“When They Try You: Holding the Center” will further explore this experience and voice the gentleness actively warring with inflicted shame. Be on the lookout for more.